Is The Coffee Table That Bad?

The Coffee Table is a Spanish movie from 2022 that premiered in America in 2023 but really reached most audiences last year. It’s one of those movies that frequently, when it is brought up, is with the warning “do not watch this.” As a horror fan I am used to that warning, but this movie seemed to be outside the norm of what the “do not watch” tend to be. In fact, it is described as a dark comedy, and it is… but it really stretches the definition and more than a few audience members will fail to see the comedy elements. My curiosity finally got the better of me, and I had to see if this movie was really that bad.

To be honest this is going to be a hard piece to write. Even as I am typing these words I do not know that I will manage to pull it off. Yes, I am a writer and talk about fiction a lot so I should be able to do it, but occasionally there is something that must be experienced, as pretentious as that might sound. The fact is many, if not all, of the aspects of The Coffee Table are quite hard to understand without seeing them unfold. You’ll imagine I am explaining something rather dull and ordinary, but when you experience them, pressing down on you with the darkness of the plot, it all feels less mundane. I preface this because I want to say that if you have any interest at all based on the short plot synopsis I am about to give you should pause this article, watch the movie, then come back and see if what I am saying resonates with you. I add to this that you have to have to be able to handle pretty upsetting and difficult movies. It’s not torture porn, you won’t see sexual abuse, but you will be uncomfortable for about an hour and 20 minuets straight with that last 10 really ramping it up.

Plot Summary- A couple, Jesus and Maria, with a newborn go shopping for a coffee table. Jesus picks out and glass coffee table that Maria objects to. After some arguing Maria agrees and Jesus buys the table. The movie then poses the question “what is the worst that can happen?” and gives a horrific answer to that question. It is absurd and even darkly humorous at times, but it is also tense and more than a little upsetting.

If that sounds interesting to you and if you can handle DARK movies, and I have to stress that a lot, it is a dark movie, then hopefully you’ll come back to finish this piece after you watch it. For those that have already seen it or would rather just read what I want to say about it, this will not be spoiler free.

The “worst thing that can happen” that the movie poses is that Jesus can slip and fall, shattering the coffee table and decapitating his infant son. Then in a state of shock he proceeds to try to hide this fact from Maria. The accident happens roughly 10 minuets into the movie and the audience is left with the awareness of this horrific incident that nobody else (except Jesus of course) does. And for the rest of the movie seemingly normal interactions play out with our (the audience) awareness hanging over us and creating a relentless experience.

Again, it can be hard to explain to those that haven’t seen it because if you describe different things happening and they feel so mundane with baseline descriptions, but they are an ever present reminder of what is really going on. The more pressure Jesus feels the more we in the audience do. For instance Maria is actually delighted that the table is broken. She hated it and clearly felt forced to relent by Jesus so finding out he broke it is hilarious to her. She joyfully laughs, teases him, and keeps bringing it up.

The amount of time spent talking about the table in this movie swings back and forth between hilarious because it’s just so much, and simply increasing the strain on both Jesus and the viewer. Maria’s laugh at a certain point over the table is something that has never left me, it’s pure glee and she has no idea she is laughing at the brutal death of her infant child.

Even when Jesus’ brother, Carlos, arrives with his girlfriend, Cristina, Maria keeps going on about the coffee table. She shows it to them and gets their opinion and is still so happy to hear others say they hate it. Meanwhile Jesus is just constantly confronted with reminders that he fought for this table, and it has destroyed his entire life, he is only delaying the inevitable.

But it’s not just relentlessly talking about the coffee table. There are long conversations over the baby room, the one thing Jesus seemed truly excited for while they were dealing with Maria’s pregnancy. Extremely ordinary conversations over day to day things that border on being dull but can’t truly be described that way because they start to carry a weight to them. Half the time listening to the foursome talk is like hearing scratching in your brain. You want it all to stop, or for something to happen, because you know it’s coming and the wait starts to be too much, while at the same time you don’t want to know.

Not only does this all come together to create an uncomfortable tension, but it also does a masterful job at denying the audience a chance to breathe. Jesus is not allowed to forget even for a moment the truth that is weighing over him, and neither are we. Everything eventually circles back to the coffee table and the dead child, and we are never left to recover.

And eventually it does all snap. The last 10 minuets prove just how much the movie really was holding back without us even realizing it. The sudden reality that everybody is about to find out and in a rather brutal way hits and you are stuck, watching something tragic unfold, grateful that it’s ending but not wanting to sit through it.

Or at least that’s how the movie made me feel. A relentless anxiety inducing stressful time with a heart wrenching climax.

So, where’s the comedy? Well that kind of depends on your sense of humor. My issue is where I can certainly see the comedy, it’s not what hits me the most. The tension and breaking of it is my take away. However, that same tension and breaking of it is almost a “punchline” if you will. You’ve had this frankly absurd build up to this moment that it’s almost a little funny… depending.

There’s also sprinklings of bizarre and dark humor throughout. After the accident Jesus makes some frankly baffling choices, and the way people react to him is more than a little worthy of a head tilt. The man is clearly covered in blood talking to neighbors who just accept that it’s red paint. There was a piece missing from the coffee table and the employee who brings it decides to hit on Jesus out of nowhere and in an entirely awkward fashion. Once again while Jesus is covered in very obviously not red paint.

The same tension and repetition that made me deeply uncomfortable will be amusing to some.

Either way, whether you “get” the comedy or not the movie is likely to make you feel something. The mundaneness might annoy you, the comedy might honestly delight you, the tension and darkness of the content might be too much, there are various different ways to respond and you are likely going to feel something big.

I in reality struggled to stay in my seat while watching the movie because my discomfort was so real and visceral that I had a hard time holding all that tension in. And I kind of loved it.

It is one of those difficult things to explain to people who don’t enjoy horror. How could I possibly like being made to feel that way? And I like it because it was so good and managed to make me so uncomfortable. Or perhaps like and love are not the right words but respect and admire. Good horror should make you feel powerful emotions and this one does that. That those emotions are negative is just kind of a quirk of being a horror fan, we like it. – for various reasons that I have discussed before and likely will again –

So is it that bad and should you watch it? Well, if you are here because you have already seen the movie and simply wanted to know my take you have you answer. For everybody else…? Yes, it is kind of that bad. Sure it’s not the Terrifier or Human Centipede kind of bad that you get with horror, but the movie is stressful and upsetting. But if you are curious after all this, my answer would be yes, you should. It’s a good movie. The acting is solid, I think I have made it pretty clear I find the tension to be brutal and well done, and it’s an interesting experience. It is one that a lot of people are not going to like. I still think it’s a brilliant piece of fiction that deserves a bit more praise and love (at least in America), but I can’t say whether or not you’ll actually be one of the people who will see it that way. It might just be a deeply uncomfortable depressing experience for you. Either way I am glad I watched it, but I am pretty sure I probably never will again. Or at least it’ll be a bit.